The Greatest Drinker
by PerryWrinkle
Summary: Which is superior? An immense alcohol tolerance or a body made of liquid? The answer becomes apparent when Juvia challenges Cana to a drinking contest.


"I challenge you to an alcohol drinking contest!"

Those words caused the entire guild to freeze up, everyone stopping what they were doing to turn there gaze toward the woman that had sprouted those words which turned out to be Juvia, the guild's water mage. What was a bigger surprise though beyond the words that came out of her mouth was who she was pointing her finger out when she made her challenge. Her finger was pointed at Cana, the guild's card mage and also owner of the strongest alcohol tolerance known to mankind or at least to the members of the guild. The was no record of the woman ever getting drunk regardless of the vast amounts of alcohol she consumed at once, easily consuming far more than what a person could normally take without dying in the process.

Cana looks up from her current barrel of alcohol to face the woman that challenged her, raising a brow at what she just heard. It was quite a well known fact that she can outlast anyone in an alcohol drinking contest to the point where it wasn't funny anymore. Still she had nothing better to do as she smirked and stood up, facing the woman that dared to challenge her to a drinking contest. "Very well then, you're on." she responds calmly, her words getting everyone moving again as they all left their current activities to get ready for the event that was about to unfold.

Murmurs of amazement and the placing of side bets filled the crowd as they gathered around to watch the match. It was always an interesting sight when it came to someone challenging Cana, the resident alcoholic, to a drinking contest. The two ladies were sitting on opposite sides of a large table prepared for the challenge they were going to have. Facing each other, Juvia had on an expression of determination while Cana wore an expression of amusement, clearly not seeing Juvia as a threat. Cana was so relaxed right now that it was actually annoying Juvia a bit as it was clear how much Cana was confident she would win.

"You know, if you want to give up at anytime you're free to do so. I won't stop you." Cana's grin grew larger, agitating Juvia more.

"I don't plan on going anywhere. In fact if either of us leave our seats for any reason at all then that counts as a forfeit." Juvia narrows her eyes.

"Heh, fine by me. I just won't leave my seat then. Hell, this match will be over in 10 minutes anyways."

"Don't complain to me if something happens."

"That's my line."

From there the talk was cut off as the match officially begins. The two ladies were taking their alcohol from bottles passed to them so it would be easier to measure exactly how much each girl drank and it was long before the number of bottles on the table piled passed 50, each side having an even amount and keeping it like that. It was quite a sight watching someone else besides Cana drink that much alcohol in one sitting, much less someone that could keep up with her drinking speed when she was serious. For every bottle Cana downed Juvia was right behind her, matching her pace almost perfectly. Before anyone realized it 10 minutes had already passed and neither woman was showing any signs of the alcohol effecting them as the pile of bottles had passed 100.

"Well, I must admit I'm quite surprised. It's not often I encounter someone that can match my tolerence for alcohol." Cana chuckles with amusement as she wipes her lips clean with her hand.

"There's a lot you don't know about me. Just remember that if you move from your seat you're going to lose no matter what." Juvia keeps up a poker face, using this moment to take a quick breather herself.

"Yeah yeah, you don't need to keep repeating that. On a different note I am someone curious as to what brought this on. What is your reason for challenging me at something that you know I'm good at?"

"Is it really important why I'm challenging you?"

"Not that much honestly, it just doesn't make sense why you would challenge me in something I'm good at. A drinking contest with alcohol is something I have total advantage in after all. I just get the feeling there is something you're after by engaging me in this challenge that works in my favor."

"Maybe I just want to see you knocked off your high horse?"

"Well, that would be interesting wouldn't it?" Cana chuckled some more. "Just keep in mind that knocking me off isn't such an easy feat to begin with."

"It might be easier than you think."

The two got back to there drinking, the finished bottles rapidly adding onto the already growing pile. A lot of the members were stunned by the sheer number of bottles piling up on the table and floor, being the first time seeing the evidence of how much alcohol was actually being consumed. Everyone knew Cana was the heaviest of all drinkers but no one has bothered before to figure out just how much she could take in at once. Seeing this match going on as long as it has was a real eye-opener on the capacity Cana had for alcohol, giving that most people couldn't go nearly this far much less drink on par with the champ herself.

After another short while though there is a slight change in Cana's posture as she wraps her legs around each other tightly, seeming to be focusing on something else a little bit. Juvia grows a smirk on her own face when she takes notice of that change in pace of Cana's behavior.

"What's the matter? Is your stomach starting to cramp up?"

"No, I'm fine. My stomach has never cramped up before from alcohol and is not going to now." Cana continues her drinking, cursing up a storm in her mind. _"Damn it, all this drinking is starting to take it's toll on me. My stomach is fine but my bladder is reaching it's limits. If I don't finish this up soon I don't think I'll make it too the bathroom!"_

Juvia continues her own drinking, smiling as her plan was starting to take effect. This was what she was aiming for in having an alcohol drinking contest with the number one alcoholic in the guild. All she had to do now was keep it going till the desired result was reached.

At the 20 minute mark things start to slow down as Cana's drinking speed also decreases, her focus being more on keeping control of her bladder so that she doesn't leak by mistake. She's even got one hand wedged between her legs for an extra measure as she tries to keep up appearances but it wasn't that easy since it was pretty clear that she needed a bathroom soon.

"Oh? What is the matter Cana? You're not going to soil yourself are you?" Juvia was now making a big grin as she watches her opponent squirm in her seat, knowing full well what was going on.

"No! I'm not going to soil myself!" Cana snaps back, throwing a hateful glare to the water woman. The attempt of intimidation failed due to the fact that she was starting to get sweaty and teary-eyed from the effort she was pouring into containing herself. "More importantly what about you?! What the hell are you not in the same position as me when you drank the same amount?!"

"Simple. I'm not processing the alcohol."

"What?!"

"I can turn my body into liquid freely remember? By manipulating my body as a liquid I can pass anything I consume through it without feeling the effects or even digesting it. Every bottle of alcohol I've drunken has been redirected through my liquid body and through my legs to my feet where it is sent under the floorboards and out of sight."

"W-What?! There's no way that's possible!"

"Oh, it's possible." Juvia drinks up the next bottle of alcohol and sets it on the table. Holding her finger above it everyone is shocked as they watch the same alcohol flow from Juvia's fingertip and back into the bottle as if it came from a nozzle. "As I've shown, not a single drop has stayed to take effect in me. That's why I don't have a bladder that's crying for release like you do."

"That's cheating!"

"Not necessarily. What I did is outside of the rules of drinking therefore it's not cheating, it's simply a loophole I exploited cause I could."

"So you're telling me that you wanted this contest just so you could screw with me?!"

"It's more than that actually. Consider it payback for what you did to me the other day. Regardless, the reality was you're in a losing battle the moment it started."

Cana was fuming, unable to believe she was actually losing in a drinking contest against someone else that she was sure she could beat. Though in hindsight she should have expected someone that could turn her body into water to pull such a stunt or at least have a very strong bladder unlike her own. In the end it really was a losing battle from the start and Juvia was enjoying seeing Cana squirm under the need of self-relief.

"You are a twisted bitch you know that?"

"You're a cocky bitch yourself. I knew that you would except my challenge given that you believed yourself to be the best drinker there is. In the end, how does it feel to be knocked off your high horse by someone that isn't even a drinker?"

"It's not over yet!"

"It's been over. You lose Cana." Juvia raises a finger and lets some water drip from it onto the table. "Drip... Drip... Drip..." she slowly repeated.

Cana's eye twitches as she watches the dripping water, each drop worsening her already hopeless condition. That was the final straw. Forget the rule added that said she would lose if she stood up, at this point she was going to rupture if she held it in anymore!

"ARGH! OKAY, YOU WIN! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Cana jumps of from her seat and runs as fast as she could toward the nearest bathroom, her hands clamped between her legs in a desperate attempt to keep herself from soiling her pants before she could make it. Unfortunately, she trips on a loose floorboard and crashes into the ground. The resulting impact breaks her last string of concentration as she lays on the ground while a warm puddle forms underneath her. "NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!" she cries, under able to stop the flow as her bladder fully empties itself of all the alcohol she had consumed which resulted in quite a large puddle.

The rest of the guild members watched this display with shocked expressions before somebody decided to drop the hammer on the nail. "Oh man, can you believe this?! Cana just peed her pants!" Those words were all it took to get everyone bursting in laughter while Cana covered her face in shame, tears pouring out of her eyes as she laid in the puddle she had just created. Her social life was officially ruined after that display.

Juvia giggles to herself as she takes another bottle and sips from it. "It would seem Cana couldn't hold it in after all. Oh well, that's what she gets for trying to take Gray from under my nose." she finishes the bottle as her victory drink while enjoying the humiliation that was placed on Cana that would take months to die down. It could even be a year or more before everyone forgets about this little 'incident'.

In the end Cana learned a very clear lesson.

It is unwise to get into a drinking contest with a woman made out of liquid.


End file.
